In the olde days, among the Chinoserie -- I can't speak for humans of other lineage lest I be accused of miss-representation, which can be a fatal offence! -- A MAN'S WORD WAS HIS BOND.
If he were to fall for a woman's charms, he would be bonded permanently, which could be a blessing, often more a curse!
THis is normally called HUMAN BONDAGE.
Since the lust 24, Heaven and Hell has been very much on my mind, yes mine -- another mGf's too, according to my high-class Guess-lah, as he proffered:
"(Desi) You want me to pray for your soul?"
By zorro, at 4:37 PM
Long story short, modern times have thrown our traditional values out of the window.
It's the age of Windows 2.0, W 4.0 and is W 6.0 soon on the horizon?
Nowadays it is rare to meet a Chinaman whose word is his bond.
Even rarer a Chinoserie woman's -- but she has a ready defence. *"WE are lucky to be acknowledged to have been borne with a fickle mind."
I am no loyar buluk, I ain't arguing with that kind (anything but kind!) of logic! Matey, Bernard Knoo, if thou art away from NPC's tehtarik counter, will you? NO! I don't mean serve the drinks, answer the ladies on the above *claim!
Back to BONDS, we all know -- even a six-year-old does! -- that James Bond always delivers.
I so envy him, starting with Ursula Undress'd emerging like a human godddess dripping all over from the South China Sea. Dr (Howsy,) No?
Then all the beauties awe lkined up in a row -- Honor Blackman, Halle Berry,, et al.
Et al means etc, which is et cetera, which means and so on, and so forth. Bernard's history of being "an English teacher" of Da Bard's tradition is rubbing off on Desi. No, not on Ursula, dress'd or naked. Let's not disturb James, bonded or knot.
(ASide: What if I now changed my name from DEsi to James, will I be alloud to taste the ware -- like Pussy Galore or Goldfinger...I'm sure PG was te star attraction in the movie, was GF? I get distracted easily by all these beauties. I wanted to use "pussies" in lieu of 'beauties', but remembering my teacher's dictum, Write to express, Not to impress, I hesitated. And hesitation can cost you a Miss'd opportunity in this highly competitive society of the third millennium.
Now, where was I?
Bonds. Yes, nowadays, the only dependable bonds are writ in writing. If it's writ, it must be in writhing, dumbo! So cut out that sort of English, I heard a Voice admonish.
"Admonish" is the BIG word for 'scold'-lah -- just to tell the Teacher I have been reading lots to raise the bar. (Do you kids nowadays heed the Elders' word? No less than the Deputy PM adviced the young ones to READ, READ and READ! as the only effective way to improve your language. For once, I see eye-to-eye with this UMNO politikus. You know Desi, usually I stay away from the PWTC when the Annual Sandiwara is staged to raise the bar of RTM's productions. I think I'm digressing lots this moUrn...
Conventional English will tell you that AdviCe with a C is a NOUN, like that DPM's advice is good for thee, you young punks!
But when I used "adviced" even in its VERB form, it gives it special flavour. I am exercising the Special Licence called PL. Yeah, akin to JB's which beqeaths James the status "Licensed to Kill!" As to what PL stands for, seek Zorro out at Jalan TankSi and buy him and his kaki bushels of beer and he'd oblige. The term "oblige" has Amore connotations he and hios kaki would welcome if THOU ART FEMALE, like Miss HoneyPenny.
NOTE: Most Malaysians use the plural form of kaki as kakis, which as a language purist Desi strongly avers is not right as the Malay language does not add an Ass to denote "more than one". It's either banyak or ramai kaki or Kaki-kaki -- right, Doctor of Linguistics at DBP?
Now, where was Eye-2?
Bonds. Corporate bonds are one type issued in writing. They give the buyer a certain pre-set level of payback expressed in percentage. A 6.0 percent bond based on a RM1,000 investment will give the buyer RM60 as an annual payout, something like your interest on a fixed deposit account at the bank. Just like a bank, a bond can also go bankrupt if poorly managed -- and you can lose everything. No, they don't want your underwear unless you are Pussy Galore.
Now, as I was saying, Chinamen nowadays seldom keep to their word given in verbal form. Many even try to break a written contract which essentially binds the signatories to their word. This habit acually makes one class of professionals very happy -- THE LAWYERS. No wonder recently a half-pass-six One was passing off as a genuine Wan.
If men, and women too, are gentlemen and keep their word all the time, half of Malaysia's lawyers would be out of a job. Likely they fall back on using their main skill -- playing around with words, like Desi and Bernard-lah! -- and land up joining the Media. This will actually raise the standards of the Fourth Estate, but instead of driving a Mercs, or Beemer (a slang for BMW which I just learnt from kwey), they have to raise their status driving a Proton Saga. Some young ones have to queue for a taxi, Cheapo newshounds try to thumb a lift, and you'd better have Pussy Galore's attributes.
(Ends Introduction)
BODY OF STORY starts hear!
Because Zorro proffered to pray for Desi's soul, this thing of Heaven and Hell still bugs me. I recalled my youth, not knowing if it was blooming, or wasted.
If blooming, I was taught I am headed for Heaven.
If wasted, I was taught I am headed for Hell.
But frankly, I don't know the direction to either destination, so What the h***! IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE! h*** stands for heck, not hell, okay. You are not to swear if you wished to go to Heaven...that was what I was taught as a youth.
So the 'hole of last night, I was tossing and turning and churning in bed.
I dreamt of my youth. It blossomed sometimes. It *gloom-ed most. (* PL used here again.) I believed I was headed for that Burning, Screaming and Scorching place called Hell.
Then after a w'ile, peace descended.
I found myself in a quieter place with a plaque which says: LAVATORY.
I saw a tall, dark and handsome ... , with the most winsome smile I have ever seen possible in a human.
Desi:Hello dare,I'm Desi, glad to meet a fellow Homo sapiens here. From where do you come? I'm Desi...(proferring my hand). Confess: I only realise on recall I introduced myself TWICE! that happens when you meet a tall, dark and handsome ...)
Angel: Hi there, am I glad to see you too. Ditto. I'm Naomi (pause), Naomi Campbell.
(Since she held out her arms spread eagle, I forwarded to embrace her, my two eyes touching her two tips.)
Desi: (That name sounds familiar ...) I see you are all geared up with brushes, pail and powder -- what are you doing here? (I hesitated on "honey" in place of 'here'...I don't want to seem forawrd.)
Naomi: Didn't you know -- it was all over the papers. Just because I threw some *tantrums, the blardy judge synmpathised with the foreign maid and fined me 1,000 bucks, and adding insult to money, commaned I wash and clean up this LAVATORY!
(REFERENCE* :I believe the tantrums included some cups or suacers or duster -- don't take MY WORD as gospel, check the recent news reprots, lazy bum!)
Desi: Oh, that Judge is damned. He will go to Hell for this! But I'm lucky he sent you here, othervice, I would not have the pleasure of your friendship. (Yes, I hopped over acquaintanceship straight to fRiendship, as is of Desi's natural character.:)
Naomi: And what art thou in here for? (in raised decoibelles)
Desi: I think for 'wasting my youth'. (I quickly looked at my body -- I seemed to be in my 20s. NO, it's not the 1920s! It's in the age range of 20-29, see?)
Naomi: And they sent you in empty handed. Where are your brushes? You have to help me scrubbing the Men's toilets, I'm only familiar with the Ladies'!
Desi (blushing): No one told me my chores. I will help thee. I will use my hands. You give me that piece of cloth and some powder.
INTER:LUDE
Naomi and I sang several youthfool songs to pass the time, and the chores became like gigs.
We were truly high and lusty on our Encore.
Home, Home On The Range,
where the dears and the ante-churchgoers play
where ne'er is heard a discouraging word
and the Lavatory is not crowded all day
Naomi: Desi, do you think we have a vehicle to help us get out of here?(In serious, strangely baritone?)
Desi (In serious, strangely soprano voice): But why do youwsih to egt out of here? I am quite happy staying put!
Naomi (looking down on me with luminous onderment writ on her shining face): You mean you want to stay here forever? You don't want to go to Heaven?
CONCLUSION
Desi:
I am happy to be stuck in this place working out at this LAVATORY if you be my co-worker every day! (I don't know why I was so direct and forward now. Maybe the fear of parting stepped up the gears for Desi.)
Naomi:
What "Lavatory?"
Oh, that sign that I hung up outside to tell visitors that I am doing my community service inside as penalty for throwing tantrums at my maid!
You don't know where you are, Desi?
(Long, sirprised pause...I could even hear my wee-wee coming, holding my breath that some Epiphany is coming.)
Naomi:
DESI, WE ARE IN PURGATORY!
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From the freedictionary.com
Noun 1. purgatory - a temporary condition of torment or suffering; "a purgatory of drug abuse"
situation - a complex or critical or unusual difficulty; "the dangerous situation developed suddenly"; "that's quite a situation"; "no human situation is simple"
2. purgatory - (theology) in Roman Catholic theology the place where those who have died in a state of grace undergo limited torment to expiate their sins
imaginary place, mythical place - a place that exists only in imagination; a place said to exist in fictional or religious writings
theology, divinity - the rational and systematic study of religion and its influences and of the nature of religious truth
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