THE BEFRIENDERS reach out to YOU!

desiderata.english


Today’s post is a challenging one as it deals with what essentially is an “unhappy” subject – PROBLEM OF SUICIDE, ESPECIALLY AMONG TEENAGERS – but reality has to be faced, however daunting and harsh. When you were growing up, you might have been taught this nursery rhyme:

Monday's Child

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for their living,
And the child that is born on the sabbath day is bonny, blithe, good and gay.

So whether one believes it or not, sometimes a new-born child inherently displays certain characteristics, normally referred to as Nature traits. However, there will always be external factors and influence impacting on an individual as he/she grows up, with the dominant factor being family upbringing, and the individual acquires characteristics normally referred to Nurture traits.

A crucial period is when the innocence of childhood fades away and the teenage years suddenly dawn, accompanied by physical, bodily changes bringing along hormonal effects which the youths might even not grasp the meanings of, what more anticipate the consequences. If you go by the nursery rhyme, all of us would wish to be forver a Friday’s Child, wouldn’t we? So that we can all “win at love”. As a peson well loved, the likelihod of the person going into a state of despondency or depression is lessened. But by simple logic, and also the Law of Probability, there could be only ONE in SEVEN people on this earth born to be Friday’s Child.

It is important that society prepares its young ones to prevent anyone from even think about taking his/her own life, whatever happens. To resort to suicide – the act of taking one’s own life – should not even be considered as an option in life, for every child is capable of contrbuting to society with his/her God-geven talents. Every individual is born unique, and therefore by this uniqueness, is to be treasured.

But the adults will tell you that reality sometimes bites. So a person, especially on entering teenage yaers, finds that life is not often a bed of roses. Indeed, growing into adulthood and on joining the workforce can bring on tremendous pressures, which can sometimes prove so stressful they seem to overwhelm some individuals.

The Star, on September 5 , 2005 carried this news item, which Desi had commented on earlier, but worth reprising:

Teen found hanged after being scolded by mum

JOHOR BARU: A 13-year-old girl, M. Sugumary, was found hanged by her younger brother at their home in Permas Jaya here.
It is learnt that Sugumary, the eldest of three children, had gone up to her room after being scolded by her mother on Saturday.

And another suicide as reported as reported in The New Sunday Times of September 18, this time of a student who was performing well in school:

Fifth former found hanged

KLANG, Sat. – He was good at his studies, friendly and jovial.
The family of Matthews Vinesh was in shock after he was found hanging from a nylon rope in his home yesterday.
One of Vinesh’s teachers at Sekolah Menengah Sri Andalas said he was a hard-working student who scored 7As in his Penilaian Menengah Rendah Examination.

To school children who are involved in meaningful pastimes like Internet surfing and blogiing such as undertaken by a group at IgnorantCows.blospot.com, Desiderata says “Good on you, for being involved in group activities that promote sharing&caring.” This group of young teenagers in Sarawak had banded together to form what I believe was the first Teenagers Weblog to write daily journals of school life and youth activities and to foster friendships to help each other along. At those tender growing years, peer pressure is definitely a challenge, as an active Blog member, Timothy Su, wrote in one posting that was featured in this column. And parents and teachers must be able to help these teenagers cope with these youthful challenges, and not allow situations similar or close to Sugumary's to develop.

It is encouraged by schools that pupils involve themselves in at least one extra-curricular activity. There is no reason why any student would not want to take part as there is a wide range of choices – Scouting, and Guiding fro those inclined towards outdoor adventures, Red Crescent to study first aid and other emergency services, Interact and Debating clubs, Boys and Girls Brigades – to suit different tastes and personalities. Pupils are also encouraged to take part in sports, in line with the adage that “Health is wealth”.

There is another arena of activities for those who dedicate themselves to true Service Above Self – people involved in Volunteer-ing who should be accorded high regard. They find time and efforts to devote themselves to make others happy, give some cheer to the less privileged and fortunate in society. These Samaritans working on the QuietFront, including The Befrienders who focus on preventing suicides, are to be lauded and saluted.

Thousands of people contact the Befrienders every year either by phone or visit its centre. Being a young person in today's world is no easy task. Young people, as well as adults, have to deal with increasingly complex decisions and pressures
every day. Tragically, many young people feel they are not able to cope, that
there is no one who either cares enough or is able to help them cope. And
they become desperate enough to take their own lives.


THE BEFRIENDERS REACH OUT TO PEOPLE IN DISTRESS


“Fear and ignorance keep us from understanding the scope and problem of young people's depression and suicide, and hinder our ability to help.
Suicide doesn't have to happen. It can be prevented, and you can help,” the Befrienders said in an article on its webpage.


An advice to teenage children caught in “tough” situations, please seek advice from the School Counsellor, or consult your Favourite Auntie or Uncle, or maybe seek out a church pastor, temple priest or any sort of certified spiritual adviser in moments of crisis. I wished girls like Sugumary and boys like Matthews had encountered the volunteers of the Befrienders to get a helpline when it is needed most.

So to teenagers who find themselves in times of trouble, please don’t do anything rash when you’re upset and without a mate you can talk to. In an emergency when your Heart bleeds like Hell, please call the counsellors at: Befrienders: 03-7956-8144.

“Suicide is not something that happens to other people. It can be a reality in
any family,” so says an extract of an article from the voluntary organisation’s webpage (www.befrienders.org.my). Please take the time to visit the website and be aware that there are trained volunteers ready to help anyone in distress – by “befriending” those who are suicidal, despairing and lonely.

Causes of Stress and Depression

As young people grow into adults it is a time of extraordinary change and
stress for them and their families.They look for and find a loosening of childhood ties to their parents, and a new sense of independence and individuality. They begin to discover their sexuality and identity.
Loss of past securities and uncertainty of the future bring periods of self-doubt
and feelings of inferiority, isolation, and expendability. Temporary depression
is normal to them as it is to people of all ages. But young people have less
experience with suffering than older people. New overwhelming feelings may
be threatening enough to require dramatic ways of asserting control.
Many suicidal youths experience family troubles which lead them to doubt
their self-worth and make them feel “unwanted, superfluous, misunderstood, and
unloved”.

Signs of Depression and Suicide Risk

Young people who are depressed and suicidal often hide those feelings at
home and at school, although they may confide in their friends, often binding
them to secrecy. Some of them, especially younger teens, may not be aware
what they are feeling is depression. Their behaviour may resemble that of
adult depression (loss of appetite or sudden overeating, apathy, anxiety,
despair, overwhelming guilt, loss of faith, helplessness, sleep disturbances),
but their depression may show itself more indirectly.

Depressed teens may fall off dramatically in school performance and have
difficulty in concentration. They may daydream or act as the class clowns.
They may become extremely uncommunicative and bored, avoiding other
people. Hyperactivity can frequently mask depression, as can extreme
hostility, aggressiveness, serious risk-taking, and promiscuous sexual
behaviour.

Young people who are depressed make physical complaints more than those
who are coping more successfully. They may be accident-prone, perhaps
from an ill-defined wish to do themselves harm, and to gain attention. A critical
sign may be sudden loss of interest in prized possessions; favourite records
or a pet given away.

What Can Be Done?

Parents, teachers and friends of depressed or suicidal young people often ask
the Befrienders what they can do to help. The important thing is to pay
attention.

*Encourage them to talk. Listen. Be on their side. Reassure without dismissing.
* Don’t panic. Remember that no one is suicidal all the time. Thoughts of self-destruction arise at times of crisis, but lives can be saved by understanding and support.


A constant mGf YAN (http://yancorner.blogspot.com) shared this relevant anecdote: “There used to be a popular bumper sticker that reads, ‘He who dies with the most toys, wins.’ But James Dobson proposed an alternative version that has more truth in it - HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS, DIES ANYWAY.

”Young ones - you were made for a purpose. You didn't just appear. You are a miracle, you are one in a million -- no more, no less. Parents, remember, he who dies with the most toys, dies anyway. So, it's really the person in your children that matters...” . Words to remember, especially for parents who hardly find time for their children. Please pause, and find the time to care, before it’s too late.

*******

You've Got a Friend

Lyrics: James Taylor

When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.

So people, especially the YoungOnes: If you are in distress, and your heArt bleeds like hell, call:

The Befriennders at (03) 7956-8144

*******

UPDATE added on Monday, September 26, 2005

From The NST, page 24,an exerpt from its news report headlined:
'Lending a sympathetic ear may avert suicide'

IPOH, Sun. - Don't be judgmental of family members, friends and colleagues especially when they are suffering from stress, depression or facing what may seem at first to be only a minor problem to a third party.
Instead, lending a sympathetic ear may avert suicide incidents, said Saras Pillay, the national president of Befrienders Malaysia.

Saras said callers can contact the Befrienders at any of its four centres located in

KUALA LUMPUR 03-79568144/5
IPOH 05-5477955/33
PENANG 04-2811108/5161
MALACCA 06-28422500.