BUT NEVER ON A WEDnurseDAY BECAUSE a child born on this day is supposedly a Child of Woe (Go listen to Matt Monro's version...). So to help lighten up
thy day of holiness, for we just celebrated GOoD FRIDAY, didn't we? Knotty 1/2OF jerryye&Tommme sent me jokes nowadays to share, for he's a GENerous fellow; , I have alsoborrowed this poetic rendition from masterwordsmith:) Thanks a million, endless rounds of tehsi/ttarik at Lingam's if you are down Furongway!:) -- Desi
A guy goes to the Land Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points
for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am
every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No
point in you coming in for that."
*********************************************
For balance on a Easter weekend, let's go ENJOY some finer things in Life like POETRY!
I borrow from fellow BUMmer I have not met but we have exchanged some cyber-conversations-lah! AND we have amutual buddy known as DONPlayPUKS:):) Yes!
A guy goes to the Land Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points
for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am
every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No
point in you coming in for that."
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points
for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am
every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No
point in you coming in for that."
*********************************************
For balance on a Easter weekend, let's go ENJOY some finer things in Life like POETRY!
I borrow from fellow BUMmer I have not met but we have exchanged some cyber-conversations-lah! AND we have amutual buddy known as DONPlayPUKS:):) Yes!
A Touch Of Poetry
ON TUESDAY, APRIL 3, 20120 COMMENTS
Looking into the future
something my past didn't see.
The outcome of my experience
has allowed God to transform me.
Longing to be alive
for within I was dead.
Darkness was my company
and each day I dread.
Walking with a lost soul
Understanding nothing at hand
I once had a goal
My dreams turned to sand.
Seeking the face of comfort
To captivate my distressed mind.
can't give up on life
Hope, I must find.
Thank God I found hope
In the midst of the dark
Pursuing to find some light
Until it penetrates in my heart.
Now that I'm blessed with life
and has allowed God to transform me.
I'm excited about the future
Something my past didn't see
-Anonymous-
BEAUTY LIES WITHIN
Beauty lies within.
How can you tell?
Is it the color of my skin?
The color of my hair?
Tell me so I can search to make sure it's there.
You walk by with your fancy looks.
Wearing earrings and silver hooks.
Teasing and laughing because I look like dirt.
Why are they laughing? We are all God's work.
My skin has bumps just like the dusty roads.
But your skin is smooth just like the crescent moon.
Why I'm I cursed with this horrible hair?
Soon I'm going to go bald and they will all stare.
With these wide hips and thunder thighs,
What man would want me? I'm ugly outside.
I've tried every trick to make my life perfect.
But can't you see its just not worth it.
I give up, I can't do this.
I'm going to accept my looks and be through with it.
Hey Beautiful!
Are you talking to me?
You are the beauty I see staring at me.
I guess beauty lies within after all.
Search within yourself its not that small.
-Anonymous-
HOW DID YOU SEE?
You, you through your shining, painless, uninvaded eyes;
How did you see?
Past a mist of pain so smothering it was impossible to breath in its midst.
How did you see?
Through a massive sludge of hatred so thick, it clung and tugged until everything trying to pass through it became a part of it.
How did you see?
Into a vast, black emptiness that ran deeper and deeper until it reached a dungeon of nothingness; a nothingness so consuming the only life able to exist there was the rodents who dredged filth and contaminated all that surrounded them.
How did you see?
Yet you saw. There' hiding under the filth, less noticeable than the tiniest star on a bright starry night, was a minute speck of light, fighting to stay lit among the stench and bile.
How did you see?
It was so weary from running, shaking with terror at the prospect of death that was such a part of its being.
How did you see?
You pursued the spec like the sun chases a ray that tries to run under a maple tree on a bright summer afternoon, never quite able to be separate.
How did you see?
The spec was drawn to the brilliance and intensity of your stare.
It grew like a ray of sunlight peeping through a sliver of hope, filling the emptiness with light so radiant, it fought to permeate the sludge and the mist.
How did you see?
Once radiance started, it glowed into everything around it.
It emanated freshness and warmth, killing the rodents, fumigating the filth and stench; producing light so bright, even I could see.
By Tammy Stromko, 2004
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