ELECTION WATCH (8): Potcurry dan Rojak

Let's enjoy some LIGHT-hearted moments even though Desi taketh General Elections seriously most times.

To put my EsteamedReaders in a good mood so you cuntinue reading my "long" pieces (to partially live up to my nama-lah!), hear's some joke a reader emailed me. If thou be the "originalor", please email me but don't send me a lawyer's ladder citing *
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have
you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."

"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang
Berhormat

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of
a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front
of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They run
to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they
had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly
game of golf and then indulge themselves on lobsters, caviar and the most
expensive food there is.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good
time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that
before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it' s time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented
souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have
a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St.
Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity."

The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would
never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think Ai
yam better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren
land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting
it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar,
drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning just like you during an election...... Today you voted."
TO BE cuntINude, so comebackKID, for aMore!...:(

******************************************

Curry2:

From the NST, Feb 23, 2008:

Election 2008: Day of shocking announcements



KUALA LUMPUR: It was an eventful day yesterday, two days before nomination, with some shocking announcements made on changes and about-turns.

The DAP's Fong Po Kuan again starred in the day's many dramatic events when she emerged from hiding to declare she would be contesting the Batu Gajah parliamentary seat after all.

She had just six days ago at an emotional press conference said she would not be defending the seat, citing internal politicking. She had also said she would not reconsider the decision.

It was also a day when several notable names were confirmed as making their electoral debut.

Among them were Tan Sri Nor Mohamed Yakcop, who was named as the Barisan Nasional candidate for the Tasek Gelugor parliamentary seat in Penang, and deputy Umno Youth chief Khairy Jamaludin, who is contesting the federal seat of Rembau in his home state of Negri Sembilan.

Another was Nurul Izzah Anwar, daughter of de facto Parti Keadilan Rakyat leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, who was fielded by the party for the Lembah Pantai seat in the Federal Territory against incumbent Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil.

Others include Loh Mui Fah and his son Gwo Burne, who were star witnesses in the recently concluded V.K. Lingam video clip inquiry. They will vie for parliamentary seats in the Klang Valley either for the DAP or PKR.

There was no let-up in last-minute lobbying and the possibility of last-minute changes being made to candidate lists.

But the certainty was that Datuk Seri Shahidan Kassim would contest in the general election and he said he would continue as menteri besar if he wins, ending days of speculation.

Elsewhere, Gerakan Wanita chief Datuk Tan Lian Hoe will now contest in the Grik parliamentary seat instead of Lenggong as announced earlier. This is a direct swap with Umno's Datuk Shamsul Anuar Nasarah, who will now contest Lenggong, traditionally an Umno seat.

It will be Round Two for PKR's Datin Seri Wan Azizah Wan Ismail and Datuk Pirdaus Ismail of Umno in the fight for Permatang Pauh. Four years ago, Wan Azizah won by a slim 590 majority after several recounts.

PKR, which is reported to be facing a shortage of suitable candidates, is fielding lawyer Wee Choo Keong, secretary-general of the Malaysian Democratic Party (MDP), in the Wangsa Maju parliamentary seat. Wee was formerly in the DAP.

****************************************************

Rojak3:

This is a Joke recycled from centuries ago -- Yes, even ancient Greece encountered the cancerous disease of Korupsi. They called it the EPIC PLAY by Desiderata-Erotica.

How da Emperors and Lackeys Enjoy Food and de Women W'ile The Commoners Are Fed to The Lions!

Pak Pandai invented a nude machine to test the degree of Corruption, and he unveiled it before the EC and his coterie of Yes-men and Yahlah admirers. The atmosphere had a Pesta spirit, and Elvis Presley's "Devil in Disguise" was gyrating in the air, and Desiderata-Erotica was aroused.

All the Government component political parties sent their Chiefs to be guinea pigs/rats.

MICsy Cheap1 was the first one to enter the Test Pool.
The water rose to the ankle level. Ah, the level of corruption was just beginning,
said inventor Pak Pandai, the party MICsy was marked KorupC1.

Gerakanakan Cheap2 was the second to enter the Test Pool.
The water rose to the knee level. Ah, Ah, the level of corruption is getting worse, said inventor Pak Pandai, and Gerakankan was marked KorupC2.

MCAah Cheap3 was the third to enter the Test Pool.
The water rose to the chest level. Ah, Ah, Ah, the level of corruption is now serious, said inventor Pak Pandai, and MCAah now marked Korupc3.

Then UMNO-no Cheap4 was the fourth to enter the Test Pool.
The water rose to slightly below-the-ANKLE level. Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah,
the inventor shook his head, said -- "I wonder...". He walked nearer the Test Pool
to peer at Cheap4 standing in the middle f the Test Pool. And the crowd too followed,
peeking, peeping and staring and "Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah!" went up resoundingly all round the Pool!

Then there was a ripple and some tiny bubbles rose to the water surface. A little boy near the Poolside exclaimed: "Ah Ha! I can see the guy standing on top of another man!"

Then Pak Pandai saw it -- The UMNO-no Cheap4 was seen to be standing on the shoulders of his Treasurer-cum-Finance Minister.

A concerted shout then rose up to the sky. Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah!...

That's how the Mark KorupC4 can be super "Mr Clean" if you Close One Eye, do you see?

Elvis then went onto sing the nude Anthem of NegaraKukuciao:

Long Live Rip van Wrinkled!

***************************************************

C(urry)4:

To be cuntInude...

C4 (a):

This is recycled, 2nd or 3rd dime OR 4th TIME!

*************** A long tail re-wound in Desi's style ***************

The PM on a leisurely day walked into his deputy's office at Puterijaya. He spied the DPM smiling to himself as he sat in his executive chair just one inch lower than His of course.

"Hey, why are you laffing to thyself," the chief a li'l into Shakespeare (like Desi-lah!) asked.

"Oh, chief. This office giveth me lots of perks," DPM replied,matching the Bard's (not de bastard's, OK!) lingo, "I have all the reason to guffle, don't? I -- I have had such fun thinking of all the gals I screwed in this vely office!"

A week later, on Amore lesiurely day just a weak before Parliament was to be dissolved, the DPM paid a return visit to his Boss' office, and the CEO was standing before the map of NegaraKuKu, the famous or notorious smirk about his 'hole(D)face.

"Chief, what's the BIG smile on thy hole(Y: this is silent off course!:) face?"

"Ah, my second matey. I never fail to laugh to meself how these buggers keep re-electing my gomen. I think of all the fun-D ... (now pointing at the Map) I have been having awe these years f**king up this 'hole cuntry:)", the PM laughed wit' His trademark(C) smirk. ~~ Desi

Disclaimer: This is fictional narration. Any resemblance to anybody, dead or alive, is just the reader's imagination, not Desi's nation. -- Drinks on thee for my wagging Rat's tail?:)

C4 (b):

I am sure all my EsteamedReaders by now would have in thy mind a more (s)explosive kind of C4,don't YOU? Or your memory is so short and I have to remind YOU?

Okay, hear's something from our King Of Bloggers, dear RPK:

Sorry folks, I could not track down the Ori at malaysia-today.net, but an ER sent me via Email. Since Desi is in a rush to keep Sundae date for CON BF, here's the Email version and I hope it's as genuine as korupC4:

By Little Bird


Kawan-kawan, there was much drama at the Altantuya Shaariibuu murder
trial (yesterday). Someone is trying to do a number on someone. There are no angels involved. Only devils.

For a minute the case was adjourned and the
courtroom almost cleared.
The newspapers were not allowed to report on what really went on. Only a
portion of what happened was reported in the press. Here is The Star
version:

urts>

Abdul Razak kicks and hits door at murder trial

Abdul Razak Abdullah Baginda, who is being tried for abetting two
policemen
in murdering Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu, lost his cool on the 90th
day
on Wednesday. He had a dissatisfied look when his father Datuk Abdullah
Malim Baginda whispered something to him before the hearing began at
about
9.30am. After the proceedings were adjourned for lunch, however, the
48-year-old political analyst, surprised all those present in the High
Court
when he suddenly kicked and banged the door with his hands. He was also
seen
crying before his lawyer Wong Kian Kheong and mother calmed him down.
Before the hearing began at 9:30 am, Razak Baginda's father had
whispered
something to him. This made Razak angry the whole day.

Finally, about three
hours later, Razak Baginda could not stand it any longer and exploded.
What did he say?
Reporter friends who were there said that Razak shouted again and again,
"Matilah kau Pak Lah! Matilah Pak Lah! I am innocent! I am innocent!"
Then he went into a mad rampage and kicked the chairs and doors in the
courtroom.
Even the Judge was shocked and did not know what to do. Both the
defense lawyers and the prosecution team were also all shocked.
The story goes that Razak Baginda's father whispered instructions to
his son to incriminate his former boss Najib Tun Razak. The instruction came
from the Pak Lah camp.
:
:
:
(Desi: Go check this portion out at the host's place...:)

The Sun newspaper carried the story, complete with Razak Baginda's
outburst.
However, the Home Ministry asked The Sun to withdraw their first run
which carried the 'Matilah Kau Pak Lah!' outburst by Razak Baginda. The Sun had to withdraw thousands of copies of their print run early this morning.
Strange things are happening in the country folks. No angels are
involved. Only devils.


Rojak5:
which Desi stole from a sailor-boi @promptus.BC!:(
And the "blanks" in between are pictures you have to picturise, OK!
I'm Knot the Barwoman and thy beck-and-gall!:(:(



A tall story: Jest Wan Wish

A man walks into a pub with an ostrich







and a pussy cat.













He goes up the bar and says: "a cool Budvar for me, Old Speckled Hen for the ostrich, double Catto's whisky, no ice, for the cat."

The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks.











A cool 'Budvar'





Next, it's the ostrich's round.

He walks up to the bar and says: "Old Speckled Hen for me, a cool Budvar for the man, double Catto's whisky, no ice, for the cat."

Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them.



A double Catto's whisky, no ice




When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"





So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another round of drinks.




Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't.


Why do you hang out with him?"



A pint of 'Old Speckled Hen'




The man replies: "I once helped a little old lady to cross the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother.


She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."




"What did you wish for?" enquired the barman.







"A long-legged bird with a tight pussy…"






Honi soit qui mal y pense!

Some rojak dan chopsuey bollowed from caffeinbar.com, to turn some Banana into half-yellar wan:)

"

Do you know me?
Badawi visit a mental hospital. He ask a patient whether he knew who is him. The patient shake his head. Badawi shout, “I am Badawi, the ex-ambassador of Peru for Malaysia, now I am the Prime minister of Malaysia. Do you know Mahathir? I am the current Prime Minister and extent my post next term”. The patient smile and answer, “Well, when I came in here, I speak the same thing.”


————————-


巴达维带著副首那吉,秘书，厨师以及厨师的孙子出访归来, 飞机已近吉隆坡,不巧意外发生了。飞行员告知所有的引擎均停止工作,必须紧急跳伞.说完后自己先跳了。

这时候飞机上尚有四把伞.只见那吉取下一把,对 巴达维说到:首相,您的安危关系到中国的未来,请先跳吧。乘巴达维一迟疑,那吉自己先跳了。 巴达维大怒,不想秘书手疾眼快,抢了一把伞也跳了.巴达维 情急之下,二话没说拿了 一把伞也跳了。 厨师长叹一声:孩子啊,爷爷老了,无所谓了,你还年轻,快拿最后一把伞跳吧!孙子道:爷爷,还有两把伞,我们一起跳吧.爷爷苦笑:一共就四把伞, 他们三都跳了,哪还有两把?孙子大叫:巴达维抱著我的多用途书包跳下去了。


————————-



帕瓦罗蒂，马拉多纳，巴达维三人一起过天堂。 天堂守门的圣彼得问道：
“你们能用什么方法证明自己的身份吗？”

帕瓦罗蒂说：“我是帕瓦罗蒂。”说完引吭高歌一曲《我的太阳》。圣彼得拍手说：
“不错，你就是帕瓦罗蒂。”

马拉多纳说：“我是马拉多纳。”说完取出一只足球，用手一指30米外的一扇窗户，飞起一脚，脚起球落，正好从窗口穿出。圣彼得高兴的说道：“不错，你就是马拉多纳。”

轮到巴达维了，巴达维憋了半天，最后还是只好涨红了脸说：“我，我是巴达维，可是，我什么也不会。”天堂守门员想了一想，点点头说：“不错，你就是巴达维。”

————————-



巴达维和那吉一起上中学。

一天，老师说：“明天首相会来参观我们学校，他会提两个问题。第一个问题是，你们忠于谁？”
老师指着坐在第一个位子上的那吉，“你就说，巫统，我们都是喝巫统的奶长大的。”
“第二个问题是，你们反对谁？”老师指着坐在第二个位子上的巴达维，“你就说，李光耀，民主行动党和回教党。”

当天晚上，那吉食物中毒，被送进医院去了。

第二天，首相来参观学校，看第一个坐位空着，就问坐在第二个位子上的巴达维：“同学，你们忠于谁呀？”
巴达维大声地回答：“李光耀，民主行动党和回教党。”

老师慌了，急忙提醒：“国阵，国阵的奶———-”
巴达维说“喝国阵的奶的那个人中毒了，现在还在医院里呢！”


————————-



　巴达维到一所精神病院里去视察，他询问一位病人是否认识他是谁？那病人摇摇头。于是，巴达维大声地说：我是巴达维啊，先干了五年的大使，现在又当上了首相，你知道马哈帝尔吗，我是首相巴达维呀！那病人就微微地笑着说：是啊，是啊，我们刚进来时，也这么说！" -- Thanks moo_t, Desi wit' lots of Puerh, dear! 10.42pm, Mondae not so blue:)

Tags: Funs · Jokes