Curiousity Kills The Cat

Pretty kittens too.

Whether thou art from Kuching or Ipoh, Furong or Penang, this warning applies.
Kittens below the age of 18 should stop reading this Post, as some mentions may cause thee to vomit.

ALSO, those above 18 with heartly any sense of humour are advised not to proceed beyond this sentence. IF YOU CHOOSE TO READ ON, IT MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH, AND SHORTEN THY NINE LIVES. Which is fine by me, I only have one; I am an Ass-cum-poet-pirant.
Please treat this as a wickedend TeAser like the one popularised by my sifool Mark Twain publicising that his mentee, Huckleberry Finn, or izZIT Tom Sawyer? I forget-lah! "had died prematurely and had the privilege to listen to his own eulogy".

If you have not heard of this American author, it's not too late to start, as he also was responsible for the vice-crack~~
"Age is a matter of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

If Mark had not been borne earlier than Desi, I could have cooked up that cracker except some CheeCheongKai chick would've plagiarised it at the blink of an I. Lord Horatio Nelson's left one:) And if you have to ask what is this about, Desi advised that you go back&study some hiss! or hers-story!:(


Desi was rumoured to be spied caught in his birddie suit, according to an unnamed ER's goodgling. Apparelly, in answer to one Helenic DESIRE to know this poet-ass more intimidatedly. Or so I believe, after I passed on an autographed memo with exquisite lines to her via 4Fei:) Thanks to the messenger based in some Solo-woman's Isle, what was the tip?

I self-invited some Bloggers to meet for "din" last week plus at Jalan Alor to welcome this De De@seefei.wordpress.com (Why the blardy hell is everyone moved to this more expensive joint I don't know; higher status ah? Jest because you earn Cat's or Sin-dollars?:(
Mave SM indicated interest in coming, or going, but chicken he backed out once Desi asked him not2leAvehomewithouthisplatinumkad. Or BePrepared to be p(R)awned by 4f! Helen did not RSVP as expected of IpohVIP keeping Desi in suspense as to how BIG a banquet table I had to order. Finally it was a tit-A-tete between a "Kat and a Pussycat". As for pix, Helen asked 4f to show-show wan; I held 4f to his word of No-Can-Can, We only do it in Gay Paree!Howsy's waiting dare!


Now here's the Starters:

The Malay Male Sept 29, 2006 offered on page 14 this fishy art-ickle:

ART TEACHER'S
STRIP RAPPED

BEIJING: A Chinese Culture Ministry of-
ficial denounced a university professor
who stripped naked in front of students
and teachers during an art class, a Chinese
newspaper reported on Tuesday.

Mo Xiaosin, a 56-year-old assistant profes-
sor at a university in Changzhou, in easterrn
Jiangsu province, shockd students by strip-
ping during a lecture on 'body art' to empha-
sise the 'power' of the body and to 'challenge'
taboos', the Beijing News said.

"There are no taboos in the field of re-
search, but to do this directly in te course
of teaching is obviously not appropriate," the
paper quoted Tian Junting, a Culture Ministry
official, as saying.

The lecture was part of a course within a
newly established human body art and cul-
ture research institute -- China's first -- at
Jiangsu Teachers' University of Technology,
the paper said.

MO arranged for four other models, includ-
ing a man and woman in their 70s or 80s,
and a younger couple, to strip nakd in front
of the class while he lectured, the paper said.

During the nearly hour-long class, Mo also
invited students to take their clothes off.

"Professor Mo appeared emotionally excited
at the time," the paper quoted a student as
saying.

"As he was talking, he undid his belt and
took off his pants, and stood naked in the
middle of the lecture podium."

The naked lecture made many of the 30 or
so students feel "unesay", the paper said.

"Some kept their eyes trained on the ceil-
ing, some awkwardly bowed their hads and
stared at the ground." -- Reuters

DESI: AS I typed the last three paragraphs, I followed the lecturer's actions step by step. I spied Mave SM and Howsy feeling "uneasy"; Anak Merdeka trained her eyes on the ceiling, and Helen's awkwardly staring at the ground. Then Reuters chief, Joe Keeper of the Peace, yelled: CUT!
I obediently exercised the Sub-Editor's privilege to circumcise.

~~~~~~~~

Now I tll you another true story closer to home. My home. Not yours; maybe AM's!

Once upon a time in The Negeri of Nine States,
there was a household in Mambau with sirname Mo.

It was by Chinese fengsui unlucky to be born into such a family.
Everything also No. Mo Xiaosin -- my limited Mandarin says it means NO smallheart, or NO careful -- could have been a runaway from Mambau; I dunno, just my gas.

Not to digress too mush, the Mo family did not propsper until one brave son -- from among four sons and three daughters -- desided he was through with tapping rubber and selling fish.

He had run to town over the wickedends and knew all the townsfolk in Furong -- five miles away -- enjoyed Dim Sum. It means literally "Touch your heart". So if a blardy howsy wants taruk the hussy, he takes her for Dim Sum. Showing off his Pound Sterling. (And what else that's sterlin', darlin'.That's howsy's thinking allowed, but Desi's sees thru.)

Within a year, MO-sunny was grinning from ear to ear. The business was so good that people travelled from out-of-state to seek out Mambau's Dim Sum shop named Kedie Sunny Dim Sum.

Jest outside the kitchen was hung this plaque: "Englishman and Dogs Not Allowed".
It was Mo Sunny's way to do justice to avenge the sign board outside The Dog's restron in Kuala Lumpur which yelled: "No Chinaman and Dogs Allowed".

The business prospered, and allthe Mambau folks paid their respects to Mo family for making good. Making good Dim Sum. Everyone of the outsiders who enjoyed a meal at Sunny's would return the week after for more. Amore!The Dim Sum seems to spice up their sex life -- the Kwai Poh would swear by the 'holey book it's true and through.

Without fail, a group of expatriates would take leave of Sungei Ujong Club every Sunday to drive in their Hillman's and Mountwoman's to Mambau where Mo Sunny would welcome them to a special table marked "Reserved for Kwailoh!" After each satisfying meal, the Mat Salleh would debate among themselves:
"Why is the Dim Sum here so tasty? Beat even those in Seremban town and Kuala Lumpur wans!"
Another question on their minds but no one dared to speak allowed:
"Why the blardy UNFRIENDLY SIGN fronting the kitchen?

On Saturday back at the Club, the expatriates debated what "ingredients" that went into the Dim Sum that had bewitched their wives they couldn't wait for Saturday night to pass, over. The group, which comprised an Italian, a Dane, a Scot, a Canadian, an American, a Dutchman, and an Englishman, decided to run a "wager" by pooling 100 pouns and whoever guessed rightthe "prime ingredient/s" would win the total sum of 700 pounds, aprincely sum in those days, just pre-Merdeka.

So the following day, a Beautiful Sunday -- non-CON BF for these capitalist kwailoh -
the hungry bunch arrived at Mambau, greted by all the JinjangJoes&Janes, for these angmoh brought them good dollars and sense.

As they revelled on the "Touching Heart" dim sum, and summore dish after delicious dish, until it cometh the time to guess the "ingredients". All the six of the seven partakers wrote on a piece of white paper, folded it and handed it to a Witness, the prettiest gal among the spouses, who also held the 700 pounds. All the men were hoping she would become Da Dessert for half the pool.

The Englishman excused himself at tis juncture to go visit The John's. Those days it meant the Loo aka the Washroom aka the Toilet. (Off spring of toil, yes?)

The Loo had a tiny partition that allowed one doing the business to sneak a look into the kitchen, from where the smells, trhe frangarnces and oh, ah, oomp, came filtering through to titillate the Englishman, who was here to do busines, of course, But he was curious, so he told himself "One look wouldn't kill!"

He took on peep -- Strung along a few rows of wooden beams were the carcasses of dogs, bitches and puppies, with fresh blood still dripping from the dismembered bowels.

~~~~~~~~

Epilogue: The Englishman won the bet of 700 pounds which he gifted to the Frenchgal to keep -- he could not accept Dog's Money. And from that Sunday onwards, the Mat Salleh stopped their rendezvous with Mo Sunny's dim sum shoppe.

The above SS is adapted from Edgar Allen Poe's macabre tales, remember The Pit and The Pendulum?I think Orson Welles also made dim sum of his tails.


POST-logue: Rumour has it that one writer named Ming Lar of the Mo family line was so "disgusted" with the "Dog or Cat being let out of the beg", he changed his surname to Chong. Howsy said he spied Chong Ming's Lar(Go read Yesterday's Comments:) in London, yes, prospering on a Eu Dian Sin shoppe on Beggar's Street. Outside the kitchen was the sign paintd in red, the Chinoserie colour of Prosperity: "No Cats and Dogs Allowed. Chinaman and Englishman got discount".