recollating some TALLtales

Take 1: about the minus-one tape ...
An UMM grad went to TV3+1 for an audition for a Reality Talent show. The prospect was required to exhibit his talent, and the producer asked him for his minus-one tape. The eager lad handed over the tape, and it played showing Mickey Mouse doing a dance routine with Minnie the Pooh.
"Hey, we want a minus-one tape with music so you can show us your vocal and dancing skills!"
The perplexed youth replied: "Oh, I thought you wanted a minor's one tape, so I borrowed one from my nephew." (Copyright belongs to desiderata, but readers can circulate it freely with attribution.)

PS: Now we know why there is such high unemployment among graduates -- they read more Beano than desiderata!

Take 2: about the plus-one bridge ...
Two reputable engineers from Port Klang were commissioned to build a new bridge linking Jowhol Baru and Singapura. To save time, they each led a team to start building from opposite ends, planning to meet halfway and have both countries' PMs do a fanfare "joining up" ceremony. After one year of hard labour, they almost met halfway ahead of schedule, but the ends were "off alignment" and stubbornly would not do the lock-and-kiss.
So the smart-alecks went back to the two governments and had a pow-wow. They scratched their heads and came up with a compromise solution. The two engineers continued with constructing the bridge in double quick time -- now the countries have two adjoining bridges for the price of one! (Copyright belongs to desiderata, but you may use it with attribution; otherwise thou may suffer some tribulation for which I disclaim (ir)responsibilty.)

PS: No wonder Jowholeans and Singapura-purans don't agree on many things like H1+H1+O and pfassepot, for they always travel along parallel lines.

Take 3: a longish one about the minus-one lawyer ...
A tycoon was lying on his deathbed, and early morn summoned his lawyer, who rushed over in his thick coat in the sweltering equatorial heat. "Encik Buluk, I have one last wish, make it triply urgent! Get me a lawyer's degree pronto -- I'll pay handsumly for it!"
That same afternoon, the loyal one rushed back in a spanking new suit, still perspiring, handed over the scroll, properly authenticated, announcing a new lawyer in town.
Encik Buluk was a wee bit curious -- as all lawyers should be -- bent over and asked in a whisper: "Sir, why do you want to be a lawyer in these last days, and paying a million bucks for it?"
The tycoon replied, in a weak but regal voice: "It gives me immense satisfaction to know, when I breathe my last breath, that there will be one less lawyer in the world ...." (Copyright not desiderata's, it's a tale adapted.)

PS: On a more serious note, Yan has 2 eye-opener stories on lawyers over the last two days; visit yancorner.blogspot.com!

Take 4: the one about minus-one beauty...
An European yuppie was travelling by train on leisure-cum-business, with an eye on SWTs that might make him good company for many one-night stands or lying-arounds. So he roamed coach to coach and spied a demure-looking lass with a bewitching Oriental smile and dressed all in white-top and red-bottom (I'm no good at describing women's attire, so if I don't get it right, pardon my address). He sat himself down beside her, and started up with pick-up lines and loose conversation. Night fell, and the young man turned to nocturnal thoughts and wanted to frighten her with a Friday-the 12+1th tale so she might cuddle up close to him.
As the train entered a short tunnel, he asked her: "Missie, do you believe in ghosts?", and it was pitch-darkness. "Yes, I do," came a most feminine voice in the dark.
A shock second later, the train emerged from the tunnel. Next to the yuppie all hot up were the white-top and the red-bottom, minus the Asian beauty. (Copyright not desiderata's, syoktale also adapted.)

PS: Two women warriors not to trifle with in my next segment, no more TALL, but XXTALL. Stay seated on my train!