Benchmarking against NIGER

Malaysia's favourite past-time. Or PresentDime.

When I opened up Yahoo!mail just now, this greAted Desi:


Wed, 4 Oct 2006 20:39:39 +0200 (CEST)

DR.DAGAMA ALI
BANK OF AFRICA(B.O.A)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO,
WEST AFRICA.

DEAR FRIEND,

I KNOW THAT THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE. I AM A
SECRETARY OF FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIRECTOR (B.O.A) BANK HERE IN OUAGADOUGOU
BURKINA FASO. I HOPE THAT YOU WILL NOT EXPOSE OR BETRAY THIS TRUST AND
CONFIDENT THAT I AM ABOUT TO REPOSE ON YOU FOR THE MUTUAL BENEFIT OF OUR
BOTH FAMILIES.
I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN TRANSFERRING THE SUM OF ($25.6)MILLION
TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 14 BANKING DAYS. THIS MONEY HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR
YEARS IN OUR BANK WITHOUT CLAIM. I WANT THE BANK TO RELEASE THE MONEY
TO YOU AS THE NEAREST PERSON TO OUR DECEASED CUSTOMER, THE OWNER OF THE
ACCOUNT DIED ALONG WITH HIS SUPPOSED NEXT OF KIN IN AN AIR CRASH SINCE
JULY 31ST
2000.

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DESIDERATA: I like people, even strangers, okay, even enemies like Wolves in sheep's branded attire! calling me fRiend. If the writHer left out the R, I would be very upset.
Thouugh I sometimes wonder why xpyred likes da d behind, and uses as hoRst textFIEND. I haven't met the guy (suggested it's a he because I can't imAgine femails being so fiendish!)

Anway/s/z, I like the generous tone of this Doctor friend, offering me a generous bite/byte of the big, huge, HUMONGOUS sum in USD! even when I have not set eyes on the Money, Honey: ~~~~~~~~
No, dear Sir Dr Dagama Ali (Is he Malaysian or Portuguese or Niger? I wonder?):

You're presumptious, doctor of medSIN or of Lettuce -- your letter did NOT catch Latuk Chong by sirprise.The surprise in deed is that you did not enclose a cheque for 20milion I asked for
I highlighted in a standard ATTACHMENT the LUST time/dime you rode me, from Niger.

When I read this moUrn's, though not wedzNURSEdae, the frontpage of theSun, though sunny but hazy, I was guffaw-ing out loud, it's allowed yes? It's Steal not a crime for LOL in NegaraKu, unless I miss'd the nu'es. or tyhe broadcaster says: It's a clime, most likely a Chinoserie misxing up her "L" and "r", not that Desis' compleatly innocent of this misstep!


Datuks con Datuks

KUALA LUMPUR: It was a case of Datuks conning gullible Datuks of millions of ringgit in a sting similar to that of the long-running Nigerian scam.

As the scam fell apart, it was revealed that at least 40 people have been cheated of tens of millions of ringgit. Among them are two Datuks, politicians and professionals. One of them allegedly lost about RM8 million.

In a press conference today (Oct 4, 2006), police said the schemers fooled investors into believing they had access to billions of US dollars stashed away in a Swiss bank by the Malayan government during the British colonial years.

It was obviously a tall tale since there was no Malayan government at that time.

Under arrest are nine people, including three Datuks, who were remanded on yesterday. They were aged between 40 and 60.

Investigators learnt the fund was initiated by the Datuks about four years ago using a registered company which promised investors their money would grow between five and fifty times.

Police said the victims were warned that if they exposed the scheme, they could be arrested under the Official Secrets Act (OSA).

The fraud came to light last month (September 2006) after police received reports from four victims, two of whom are Datuks. The victims told police they had lost about RM16 million to the syndicate.

A team led by ASP P.Ramalingam from the Kuala Lumpur contingent police headquarters simultaneously raided several locations in the city, including a five-star hotel on Monday (Oct 2, 2006).

They nabbed 18 people, including the three Datuks. Nine of them were released after they were cleared of involvement.

Federal police commercial crime director Comm Datuk Ramli Yusuff said police seized RM325,000, scores of fake cheque books, invoices and other documents which bore the names of prominent foreign banks and the Ministry of Finance.

Five expensive cars belonging to one of the detained Datuks were towed to the city police headquarters.

Ramli said the scammers had told their investors the Malaysian government was trying to retrieve several billion US dollars which it had kept in the Union Bank of Swiss during the British Occupation and that those who invested in the fund would get a handsome cut.

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:DESI: Which caught me guffaw-ing louder and louder until the neighbours (these young chics and cikgus whose swear words I've grown accustom- (that's right, The Star stylo -- no need "ed" wan!) to, in fact, I'm beginning to have a pen-chant for! in the Cafe where they serve no coffee, or tehtarik, stared, still staring, at me with killer bees' I-I-I...i-i-i...zzzzzzz.

My rising desibelles was due to recalling this Limerick (you know the meaning 'rite!):







Now you know why our Politikus like to benchmark NegaraKU's endeavours/failures/achievements against NigeriA, GhAnA and off course, OuAgAdougou BurkinA-FAso. (SEE, they have all the 'A'sses:)
As I was saying, when an Arm-Noh or MCAss or MIC-C politician explains why the country's rankings on the Corruption Perception Index of World Economic Progress Index have consistently fallen, their standard RATionAle would read like this:
"WE are not doing so badly. We are A-head of NigeriA by 10 points, AA-head of GhAnA by 15 points, and AAA-head of oh, ah, Arggh Burkeley Fatso by 20 points."
They rest their case sitting on their butts on top of KLCC penthouse laughing all the way to te banks -- UMN, MC and MI banks.

Welome to the banks, Datuk, Datin, Latin and Tan Si...
I'm adhjourning to my Teh-C. Wanna join me my dear ER?
PleAse Advise Desi how to draft a polite response to Dr Dagama Ali
so that we can maintain Good, Neighbourly Trilateral Relations.


PS:

Because Anak Merdeka dared arse for It, the tiger speeded up a byte, finally allived, arive, at 12.20PM!



There was a young lady from Niger
Who smiled as she road (sic) on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.