With a name like Desi Anwar, this guy/gal must be having the best of two worlds. After reading the ARTickle, however, I sigh a byte 'cos he/she had "no child", what a waste. Please don't take it "personal" Desi (from another Desi:), I'm writHing LIGHTHEARTEDLY TODIE! I woke up specially early because I had bypassed dinnerand supper after downing a **fleerunch in Kuala Lumpur. NOTE ** this is spelt thus in Da Desi Code as the chinoserie in us often mix up our "r" and "l" when trying to talk in between mouthfuls.
In Fact, I said "ellor" once while speaking at a Press Training course eon years ago -- luckily the participants all had a SENse of humour 'cos the course was provided FLEE over one **weak (Another DDC! hear!:) with many fleemeals thrown in. Nah, the remainder if any was never thrown out. Students onrmally would tapau it for another raininy day -- like now for Johoreans and Serembanknights!
********************************************FROM THE malaysianinsider.com:
Not a Tiger Mother — Desi Anwar
January 31, 2011
JAN 31 — Reading “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” Yale law professor Amy Chua’s account of raising her children, now I know why I’m not some high-flying lawyer or doctor: I didn’t have a Tiger Mother constantly shouting in my ear, “Nothing is fun until you’re good at it.” This is supposedly the way Chua herself was raised by her Chinese parents — with strict discipline, tough parenting and only one aim: to be a high achiever, a winner in life, above all those poor losers with bad grades and few prospects. This so-called Chinese method of parenting supposedly ensures Grade A children who will one day earn big salaries and rule the world.
Poor me. I didn’t have a mother who forced me to practice the piano for hours at a time until I could get a tune just right. She didn’t even get me a piano for that matter, nor did it seem to occur to my mother how important it was for little girls to learn how to play the piano. As to supervising me as I did my homework and ensuring that I brought home nothing but A’s, why, I can’t remember even once when either of my parents actually bothered to go to my school to pick up my report card, let alone make sure that I spent my evenings bent over my books. Even now, I still wonder how I managed to get through elementary school without failing my exams or doing too badly in class, for I certainly can’t remember doing any studying or finishing my homework.
Even now, when I see my cousin fret over the grades of her children and how hard it is to get them to focus on their schoolwork, and the effort and yelling she has to go through on a daily basis just to get them to wake up in time for school and make sure they do their homework and not play too much, I still don’t get this parenting business. Does one really have to spend so much time and energy micro-managing one’s children? For what purpose? So they will turn out exactly the way their parents want them to be?
But neither did my parents raise me in what Chua hints at being the Western style of parenting — more permissive with constant praise and rewards even if the child doesn’t perform well and isn’t likely to turn out to be number one. The Chinese style of parenting seems to be far superior to the Western style — just look at the high achievers that China is producing, reflected in its growth and children’s maths grades.
In this country, I also see parents who dote excessively on their offspring. They spoil their kids with attention (or failing that, with an army of nannies) and heap material rewards on them at the first hint of whining and allow the little princes and princesses to dominate their surroundings with unruly behaviour. On the other hand, these spoiled brats are most likely on the path to success anyway, because their parents can afford to put them in the best schools, giving them a major head start on their peers.
All this makes me wonder if there is any specific cultural way of raising children, or whether parents raise children depending on how they themselves were raised and whatever personal chips they have on their shoulders or views they have on life and the meaning of success.
Granted, I don’t have children of my own, but I can’t remember my parents spending a lot of their precious time on disciplining me and running my life, or praising and lavishing me with words of motivation to bolster my self-esteem. Did they not care about how I turned out? That my life would be the poorer for not being able to play the violin or the piano? Were they not concerned about my future and the sort of life that I would lead? Or perhaps they just had no idea of how to raise children or knowledge of how to be a good parent — Tiger or otherwise.
But I do remember my elementary school years as being a time of endless fun and play, while my high school years were full of academic achievements. I can’t remember why. They just were. Maybe because I didn’t have a Tiger Mother throwing my report card on the ground and calling me garbage if I didn’t come first in my class. Or a mother telling me how great I was when I brought home straight A’s. Maybe because I wasn’t pressured to be anything, and didn’t have anybody breathing down my neck to make sure I did as I was told and became what they wanted me to become. Maybe because my parents didn’t map out a life for me in terms of success and failure, but rather possibilities to be discovered and experienced; not through yells, instructions or praise, but seizing opportunities and making mistakes. Above all, I learned to be the master of my own life and choices.
My mother was not a Tiger Mother. If anything, she was an eagle pushing her young out of the nest — so that I could fly. — thejakartaglobe.com
* Desi Anwar is a senior anchor at Metro TV.
* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication. The Malaysian Insider does not endorse the view unless specified.
DESIDERATA: These lines fromauthor Desi A strike a chord/cord? in Desi C's heART:-
The Chinese style of parenting seems to be far superior to the Western style — just look at the high achievers that China is producing, reflected in its growth and children’s maths grades.
BUT I ADD: ...only valid the past THREE DECADES after Deng Xiao Ping broke down the bamboo curtain to rally open up China "cloistered" up during the Mao era and the "intellectuals" punished by Mao's wife -- another TIGER woman?
That my life would be the poorer for not being able to play the violin or the piano?
BUT I ADD: NO way I could pray the piano during schooldays-- how could Mom afford it when it's compulsory "porridge" meal every day plus noodles -- the cheapest one at 10sen per pack with NO WRAPPER! --when the chili sause was the only source of taste enhancement!
But at age 13 I think, we inherited a Kapok guitar -- did someone steal it? I dunno 'cos Mom could never afford it ether -- and me and some mateys had great fun, minus the D! like in FUNd, would imitate Hank Williams' Your Cheatin' Heart to death!:) I guess singing American Cowboys ballads plus reading tonnes/tomes of Enid Blyton over the wickedend, eating roti canai with one piece CUT INTO $ unequal quarters!, plus stealing rambutans for desserts, made up our careflee childhood.
Hence, this also struck a singing chord in both Desi's I guess2:
But I do remember my elementary school years as being a time of endless fun and play,
CHOW, which can mean
Seeya later!
OR
Let's eat!
Wanna jom at Seremban Pasar? -- where they serve the bestA Mamak Mee cooked not by a mamak but by a chinoserie aunty like Desi. No,Desi is not a woman, the comparison is only on "chinakuei" in me. And yes, those were the days we called each other C-kuei, or M-kuei or K-kuei and nobody took offence. Now you mention the Pariah word, the C, K and M all react like Communists.
Tyger, tyger burning bright
NO knot at Desi'shome
But in the forest of the night
By Furong bye-ways Or Rantau shyways
Where all the guys are gay
and the gals are definitely AWEright
Die and night
Left or right!!:):)
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